Here is my new tried and tested TIME- AND ENERGY-SAVING method. (I’m all for saving time and energy, especially when the pubs are open!)
Just follow these easy steps:
1. Listen to the weather forecast (or watch it of course), then do your washing. Decide to save energy by line drying your washing.
2. Ignore any report of rain (they are never right anyway) and hang your washing out. That lovely force 9 gale blowing will dry your washing in no time! No dryer energy bills there!
3. Watch the rain pouring down on your washing. It can’t last for ever – can it?
4. Wait another two days while the rain continues to pour down. Get a phone call from your neighbor to check you are still alive because your washing is STILL out.
5. Bring the washing in after another force 9 gale has dried it.
6. Decide you had better iron the washing but – oh happy days! It’s been out in the rain so long that there are no longer any creases in it! So you SAVE TIME AND ENERGY by not having to iron AND you use less electricity by not using your dryer. Of course, you weren’t able to wear your new favorite jumper for 3 days but that’s a minor point.
7. Celebrate how much money you’ve just saved by going down to the pub. (You’ll be using their heating, so even more money saved!).
Feel free to use these handy tips for your own benefit – you know it makes sense!
ADVICE for those who enjoy some form of EXERCISE – you may just spoil other people’s enjoyment of their pub lunch with friends. And at the bottom – a WARNING and more ADVICE!
Let me set this scene for you.
On going to a nearby pub you find there’s a local Fun Run (contradiction in terms, if ever I heard one) being held and your favorite pub is the start and finish (no it’s not a pub crawl).
I suppose they didn’t want to choke the local roads but they sent The Fun Runners off in staggered starts (If it had been me, I would just have staggered to the start and then promptly finished). Some of them were even back before the meal was over (just thinking about it wears me out ).
Now, you are welcome to take exercise if you really want to (though I do ask myself ‘why??’) but do think about what you’re wearing, especially the view from the rear …. I almost choked on my chicken slices and potato salad when I looked up from my plate. There, right in front of me, so to speak, was the rear view of a woman standing very close to our table. She was wearing a pair of black leggings/jeggings/joggings/loggings (whatever they’re called) which were not quite as opaque as she perhaps imagined. Or perhaps she DID know that!
She did have something on top of her (if you are wondering) and she was wearing black knickers underneath the jeggs … but she obviously had not thought about the rest of her bottom which was NOT covered by the knickers! It completely put me off ordering my favorite dessert of two scoops of ice cream! !
So, what is the WARNING? Exercise can harm other people!
And the More ADVICE? Don’t ask ‘Does my bum look big in this? ‘ Instead, ask ‘Does my bum show through in this? ‘
Queue the song “You’ll Never Walk Alone” – not in a bar anyway! This post will help you find your way down those rabbit warren back streets and alleyways of life.
Take care if you see a woman or man sitting alone in a pub or bar. Not me, of course, because I keep myself to myself anyway and bring my own book to read if I am not meeting anyone.
But if someone (else) starts to listen to your conversation with others and then joins in with their own tales, you can be pretty sure that, before long, they will try to separate one of you from the general conversation. Next thing, they will be telling their life story. And then pretty soon you will want to lie down in the dark, maybe with a damp flannel over your head, listening to Leonard Cohen while visions of a possible afterlife float through your head.
One of those people came into my orbit on Saturday night when I went to meet friends in the local pub and we were discussing local affairs (as you do!) with a couple of other friends who just happened to turn up too.
Within ten minutes I had learned that my new Best Friend worked for a local utility, that the said local utility had saved millions by changing their location (fascinating!), that she liked camping out alone in rented motor homes on managed sites and that she was thinking of going to a local beauty spot for a holiday in a couple of weeks’ time.
I also learned what other sites, National Parks and beauty spots she had visited and which ones were accessible by long distance bus services – remind me to travel by train in future! Totally nothing wrong with going to places on your own – I do it all the time – but keep it to yourself! Now, where did I put that Leonard Cohen CD…?