Category: Money

Saving Energy 

Here is my new tried and tested TIME- AND ENERGY-SAVING method. (I’m all for saving time and energy, especially when the pubs are open!)

Just follow these easy steps:

1. Listen to the weather forecast (or watch it of course), then do your washing. Decide to save energy by line drying your washing.

2. Ignore any report of rain (they are never right anyway) and hang your washing out. That lovely force 9 gale blowing will dry your washing in no time! No dryer energy bills there!

3. Watch the rain pouring down on your washing. It can’t last for ever – can it?

4. Wait another two days while the rain continues to pour down. Get a phone call from your neighbor to check you are still alive because your washing is STILL out.

5. Bring the washing in after another force 9 gale has dried it.

6. Decide you had better iron the washing but – oh happy days! It’s been out in the rain so long that there are no longer any creases in it! So you SAVE TIME AND ENERGY by not having to iron AND you use less electricity by not using your dryer. Of course, you weren’t able to wear your new favorite jumper for 3 days but that’s a minor point.

7. Celebrate how much money you’ve just saved by going down to the pub. (You’ll be using their heating, so even more money saved!).

Feel free to use these handy tips for your own benefit – you know it makes sense!

How To Make Money

Niels Steeman

Great Way To Make Money

I just had to share this. I have found a great new way to make money. My friends are always wondering how to get more greenbacks, especially if no actual work is involved!

A foreign gentleman phoned me at lunchtime to say that he was ringing from the health service, to help me get compensation for an accident I, or someone else in my household, had had within the last five years. Interesting. My last accident was breaking a nail when opening a bottle of wine, but I don’t remember claiming for it on insurance. I must be getting old and doddery! I just let him keep talking and eventually gave him some details of what might be an accident. I eventually got tired of this and said I had to go out and then hung up.

Later that day, another foreign gentleman phoned about the same incident. He wanted more details in order to send me the cheque for the large amount of money to which the member of my household was entitled. I rambled on about Charlie getting whiplash from a car accident when someone drove into the back of my car, though we didn’t go to the Emergency room.

‘Ah,’ said the foreign gentleman, ‘then it was up the backside, was it?’

I had to cover the phone at that point while I stifled a laugh which turned into a cough.

‘Well,” I said, wiping my eyes “I suppose you could say that.”

‘Oh’, said the foreign gentleman, ‘Charlie will be so happy when he gets the cheque for all this money for someone going up his backside, isn’t he?

”Yes’, I said again, in a rather strangled voice. “He definitely will be!”

I just hope there’s no such address as 2351 Song Road, Berbly (Yes, Berbly!).

I must get Charlie’s mobile off him in case they ring him to check the story’s true! His purring might show how pleased he is.

Charlie is my CAT!